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Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus, by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick Jessica Thompson
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Review
“So many Christian parents fall into the trap of asking the law to do in the hearts of their children what only grace can accomplish. Armed with threats, manipulation, and guilt, they attempt to create change that only the cross of Jesus Christ makes possible. It is so encouraging to read a parenting book that points parents to the grace of the cross and shows them how to be instruments of that grace in the lives of their children.â€â€•Paul David Tripp, President, Paul Tripp Ministries; author, New Morning Mercies and Suffering“Elyse Fitzpatrick continues her never-ending quest to churn out grace-filled, Christ-centered, gospel-saturated books. And now she’s done it again with her daughter, Jessica, coauthoring this excellent parenting book! If you are a parent, get online and order your copy of Give Them Grace today!â€â€•Deepak Reju, Pastor of Biblical Counseling and Family Ministry, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC; author, The Pastor and Counseling and She’s Got the Wrong Guy“The authors―mother and daughter―remind us that parenting is not only hard but also impossible. Yes, we need to nurture, teach, discipline, train, pray, and model, but we must not depend on our parenting skills to change the hearts of our children. Instead, they counsel parents to ‘rely on the faithfulness of Jesus, our great high priest, to change their hearts.’ Grace for both parents and children flows through the pages of this book; I only wish I had read it at the beginning of my parenting instead of the end.â€â€•Rose Marie Miller, missionary; author, From Fear to Freedom“This is not just a book on parenting; this is deep training in the gospel. Elyse Fitzpatrick shows parents how to model themselves after the heavenly Father, who changed his children not by wrath and the law but by grace. A lot of books talk about gospel-centeredness in theory; this book shows you how to apply it to one of life’s most important relationships.â€â€•J. D. Greear, President, Southern Baptist Convention; author, Not God Enough; Pastor, The Summit Church, Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
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About the Author
Elyse Fitzpatrick (MA, Trinity Theological Seminary) is a counselor, a retreat and conference speaker, and the author of over twenty books, including Because He Loves Me; Comforts from the Cross; and Found in Him.Jessica Thompson is the author of Exploring Grace Together: 40 Devotionals for the Family and the coauthor (with Elyse Fitzpatrick) of Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus. She is a wife, a mother of three, and a member of an Acts 29 church.
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Product details
Paperback: 216 pages
Publisher: Crossway (May 4, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781433520099
ISBN-13: 978-1433520099
ASIN: 1433520095
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
281 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#28,250 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I really wanted to love this book. The first part of the had me hopeful, though wary. All in all, the theology/doctrine is firm and a new perspective on parenting from grace could produce a much needed change in our families and churches.But the application is completely out of touch, and developmentally inappropriate in many examples. The dialogue examples are verbose and unrealistic, very heavy use of the doctrine of total depravity, which would be enough to discourage even the most spirited child. I am always disappointed to see capable and intelligent authors completely overlook or dismiss the leaps and bounds made in recent years in developmental psychology, especially of small children. I don't understand how anyone could truly believe a 20-30min mini-sermon is going to produce heart-changing results in a preschooler. Maybe the examples are merely meant to inspire you with ideas rather than be taken literally, but I pity the kid whose parents go the latter route.The tone of superiority in the authors' language, especially in the questions for reflection at the end of each chapter, was just such a big put off. They have a lot to say about "crushing a proud child's heart", and hardly anything helpful to say on how to model Christ-like behavior, proactive parenting, and love and grace in ACTION. There is a thick air of pride in between the lines of this book. Once I got to the section on discipline, and the very disappointing page on spanking, I put it down. Lazy, predictable treatment on the issue of corporal punishment; typical, cliche, cut and paste defense of the rod verses in the book of Proverbs (Hebrew wisdom literature, full of allegory and metaphor, written to and about adolescent males). I am not completely anti-spanking, but I don't do it, for very good reasons, and the issue certainly deserves a more intelligent and sensitive treatment than the one given here. And what about the alternatives? What about mercy? What about all the "one another" commands of scripture? We just can't preach grace out of one side of our mouth, and defend strict punitive methods with the other. I lived under that kind of hypocrisy as a child. I won't live that out with mine.I may finish the last portion of the book for the hope of gleaning some small kernels of wisdom (and maybe I'll end up amending this with another star), but honestly not sure it's worth the time if you are a busy homeschooling mother like me. After a string of very disappointing books on Christian parenting, I just have to say this: Pick up your Bible as often as you have time and be constant and consistent in prayer (alone, with your husband, with your children). Submit to Christ in all things, BE LIKE HIM! Strive to understand the particularities of your children, their personalities, their needs. Be proactive for goodness sake! Stop setting them up for failure with totally unreasonable and outdated expectations! And just let the Spirit lead you in doing what is best for them! Maybe that's a little too precious for some, but honestly your family will be far better off with that formula than with any other 5-star method packed in a pretty book with a catchy tagline.
"Give Them Grace" does an excellent job illuminating the inescapable connection between how a parent understands the Gospel and how he or she in turn parents. The connection is explained, as the title suggests, with an emphasis on the author's conception of grace. Much can be gained from GTG's insights, practical illustrations, and encouragements. That said I have some disagreements.A basic premise of GTG is that children are "unbelievers", therefore evangelization of the child is the basic focus of the parents, not discipleship. I question this approach (Ps 22:9-10,Gal 1:15, 1 Cor 7:14). As for the parents, missing from GTG, is a stress on the importance of husband-wife unity in parenting. Intentional or not, GTG seems to be addressing a single parent. GTG also fails to stress a Kingdom focus, and tends to cast the Law of God in an unfavorable light, often confounding it with parent-made legislation. God's Law is generally portrayed as somehow antagonistic to grace, when in fact its only problem -- condemnation --is due to a deficiency in us, a deficiency remedied by our Lord's atonement and the indwelling Spirit. Instruction of our children in the Law of God is highly commended by both Christ (Matt 5:19) and the apostle Paul (2 Tim 3:16). It is also highly extolled in the Psalms (Psalm 1,19,119, etc.). Earning favor with God is not the aim of the Law, Christ-like moral beauty is.That said, "Give Them Grace" still accomplishes much in the way of parental instruction. Throughout GTG there is strong admonition for parents to "walk by faith, not by sight", placing full confidence in the goodness and greatness of God. My disagreements are not meant to discourage its reading. In fact, I highly recommend GTG, as it was highly recommended to me. I was challenged and blessed by its contents.
I loved the overall message of this book. It wasn't just about how to give grace to our children. It was a book that spoke grace to my soul as a parent.I don't find that it gives very practical methods for raising kids, as say a John Rosamond book would. But I don't think that was the intent of the authors. Some of their examples of how to talk to kids were lengthy and verbose, to say the least...and the authors admitted as such. But it was a very good reminder to me that my ultimate goal in parenting is to point my children to Jesus. Always Jesus.
This book was so terrible to me that I returned it. It's very rare for me to not finish a book, and I'm not sure I've EVER returned one. Even if I don't love everything, I try and gleam the good stuff that's said. But this good stuff was riddled with a bunch of legalistic and unrealistic things right next to it. Like simple stuff like praising a child is bad because it will make them preformanced based and not from the heart and not aware of their sinful nature? I wish I could quote it (don't have it anymore honestly) but there was a start of good ideas with the wrong twists on them. A lot of what was said to say to your child were these really long overdrawn monologue s as well that were very unrealistic and would wear out me, let alone my child.
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